Lately I’ve just been really searching for peace. I don’t know where it went, when I “lost” it, or why it’s “gone,” but I do know that it has everything to do with my lack of focus. Oh, and the fact that once again…I’ve found comfort and normality, and it’s time to say my goodbyes and move on to the next uncomfortable place. But hey, that’s life for you…it’s just a never-ending process of change and adaptation to change. It’s what makes us who we are, and it’s how God continues to mold us and use us to do His work. So, to help me cope with this lack of peace and these negative feelings and emotions toward the upcoming change in my life, I escaped to Chiang Rai for a weekend.

I absolutely love going up there because it’s like a “real” Thailand outside the craziness and semi-Westerness of Bangkok. I went and stayed at River of Life with the Wheelers, and honestly, that was exactly what I needed. I basically hung out with Debbie the whole time, and it was really good for both of us I believe. We went to the White Temple and the Hill Tribes of Chiang Rai for me to take some pictures, and we just talked about everything in life. She really gave me a good look into “a mother’s heart” and it helped me understand my own Madre and where she’s coming from. I think I needed that. :)

The Hill Tribes were really cool, too. It was interesting to see their tribal dances and clothes. I can’t remember all of the different names, but there were 5 groups that lived in the place we visited. At first, I wasn’t so sure about paying money to go see people…it’s like they’re being exploited or something! But Debbie explained, that they make money from visitors and by selling their handmade goods, and they send the money back to their families in Burma or Laos. The Karen tribe is probably the most well known because they’re they ones with the “long necks”…meaning, the women wear rings around their necks, starting at the age of 5, and never take them off. I mean, they can’t take them off or it will result in death because their spinal cords are so stretched or something. Crazy right? Not only that, the rings weigh SO much! Check out that picture of a set of rings on a scale…yeah. Ouch!

I also enjoyed seeing all the kids at ROL, and I was blessed by their praise team for sure. They’ve gotten so much better since last year, and God is just all over them! Lastly, I went up to to Mae Sai and crossed over into Burma (Myanmar) with my new friend from the Philippines, Jo. All that was great, but the main reason I escaped to Chiang Rai was because I’ve really been feeling like crap lately. But while I was there, I could see the way God began working on my heart and helping me surrender it (as well as my emotional stability) to Him, and Him alone.

I found myself sitting on the ground of my guesthouse at ROL, praying my heart out. I prayed for everything I could think of in life, but specifically I began praying for Eric & myself. I’ve been told over and over that “you’re passions and callings must line up” and I get that. But for some reason, in light of going home, I’ve really been freaked out by it. I’m really mission-minded and travel-oriented, and I know that once I get home, it’s definitely not the end of my traveling. Granted, I hope I NEVER have to live in another country for this long again; I am a-ok with short-term missions from now on. Haha. But anyway, I’ve just been really thinking and praying about all of that as it pertains to our relationship. Well, on my bus ride home, Eric emailed me and said he was on his way to a job interview in Hickory, North Carolina. Of course I got excited, but long story short…the company hired him right away and he starts working in a few weeks! Now THAT’S an answer to prayer for sure! But the best part of it is, the company is managed by good, Christian people, and Eric’s mom told me that they do a lot of international work, especially missions to Haiti! I mean, how cool is that?! I know I get impatient with God a lot, and I’ve been frustrated and annoyed that He hasn’t come through for Eric with the whole job-hunt thing, but once again…God’s timing is perfect. I have no doubt that this job was organized by God, for Eric. I’m just really hoping and praying that he enjoys it and takes advantage of the missions and traveling opportunities. Perhaps that will be a little confirmation about our “passions and callings lining up”…who knows?

All I know, is that God knows what He’s doing. He’s the one in control, and I’m just along for the ride. I know I face a lot of decision-making once I get home, and that freaks me out, but like I always say, if I’m seeking what God wants for me, He’s gonna keep me safe and in His will. Life really is like a never-ending surrender to Him and a never-ending process of change! I’m really thinking that “peace” will be my next tattoo…I can tell that God’s teaching me all about that these days…

I’m out. //Cwalk.

Check out all my other pictures here: (will post link soon)