Ok…you’re not allowed to think I’m crude, rude, or otherwise perverted in light of this post. It’s too funny NOT to share! So, after living in Thailand a year, I’ve exhausted every possible market, I’ve ridden elephants, I’ve played with tigers, I’ve observed prostitution in the red light districts, I’ve visited temples with Emerald Buddhas, Golden Buddhas, Reclining Buddhas, hidden fetuses, ex-criminal monks, and every other possible Thai tribute to Buddha and the spirit world…but a phallic shrine??? Let’s be serious…there’s NO WAY. You’d think that nothing would surprise me by now, but as usual, the Thai culture threw me a curve ball on this one. My friend Nicole and I heard about this shrine, hidden somewhere in Bangkok, so we did what any typical, curious, farang would do…we Googled it. And sure enough, there it was…the penis shrine of Bangkok. Yeah, I said it…PENIS. What was once a whispered word among giggles, is now the only way I can describe the dedication of this shrine.

This place was practically hidden behind the Nai Lert Park Hotel, right in the heart of downtown Bangkok, a short walk from the Phloen Chit BTS Skytrain stop. Nicole had printed out directions because we’d read that it was difficult to find, and after searching, getting lost, and searching some more…we found it. We walked down the road next to the Nai Lert Park Hotel, through the creepy car park garage, along the cracked sidewalk next to the outhouses and nasty kitchens, and there it was…situated in a small, fenced in park area next to a sewage-smelling channel of water, the glorious PENIS SHRINE!!!!!!!!

We walked into the shrine area, safely secured by a sleeping guard, and entered into a forest of mushroom-looking statues and creepy-looking toy-like figures. Oh, but they weren’t mushrooms…they were large, ribbon-wrapped, flower-topped penises. WOW. I seriously just stood there with my mouth hanging open as I could feel myself blushing while the uncontrollable laughter began. There were penises everywhere! Big penises, little penises, light penises, dark penises, tall penises, short penises…shall I continue? Glittery penises, studded penises, free-standing penises, leaning penises…every type of penis imaginable. HAHAHAHA..I can’t even help but laugh while I write this! Ok ok ok…seriously though, here’s the story:

Evidently, the Chao Mae Tuptim fertility shrine is dedicated to some fertility goddess and people visit when they’re having trouble conceiving children. After praying to the goddess and leaving an offering, the barren one returns home, has lots of “fun” and most likely gets pregnant. After the child is born, the parents will then return to the shrine with a hand-crafted and decorated penis (most likely wooden…don’t even get me started on the potential jokes there) and present it to the goddess, leaving it at the foot of the ribbon-clad Ficus Tree at the shrine.

There is a sign at the front of the park that reads:

The origins of Chao Mae Tuptim are obscure. It can only be recalled that a spirit house was built by Nai Lert for the Spirit who was believed to reside in the large Sai (Ficus) tree.

The basic offerings are fragrant wreaths of snow-white jasmine flowers, incense sticks, pink and white lotus buds.

Chao Mae Tuptim has received yet another less conventional kind of gift, phallic in shape, both small and large, stylized and highly realistic. Over the years they have been brought by the thousands, and today fill the area around the shrine.

Confronted by the extraordinary display the shrine has automatically been concluded to be dedicated to fertility.

So there you have it, people. My new favorite hot spot in Bangkok. And I just gotta say…I refrained from making any crude jokes, slurs, or inappropriate comments, and I’m proud of myself. Believe me, SO many crossed my mind. So, if you ever find yourself in Bangkok, I recommend seeing the Chao Mae Tuptim Shrine. It’s a good dose of hilarious Thai culture, and a great story to tell.

I mean, they don’t call it BangKOK for nothing…(Ok, I couldn’t resist that one. My bad. Haha!)

I’m out. //Cwalk.

You can check out all of my pictures of this shrine in my Bangkok photo album.