How do you measure a year?

It’s absolutely unbelievable how quickly a year passes. One year ago today, I was on my way back to America from my first student teaching trip to Thailand, and if you’d have told me then where I’d be right now, I would have laughed. There’s no way I ever could have imagined what all this year has brought into my life. Who knew that I’d be living in Bangkok, Thailand? Who knew that I’d end up dating my best friend from over 10,000 miles and 12 time zones away? Who knew that I’d be traveling around and experiencing the world? Not this girl.

I can honestly say that this has been the most amazing year of my life, but at the same time, it’s most certainly been the hardest. Inundated with change and challenges with moving to Thailand, being a new teacher, and working constantly on a long-distance relationship has been tough. But it’s forced me to rely on God and not myself, and I’m so thankful for that. I’ve experienced freedom, peace, love, and joy, but I’m still the most impatient person you’ll ever meet despite the Thai tattoo on my foot for “patience.” I guess you could say I’m a work in progress…

I feel like my eyes have been opened; opened to a world in need and opened to the endless opportunities just waiting to be discovered. Don’t get me wrong, though. I’m ready to come home, and I need to come home. I miss my family, I miss Eric (SO much!), and I miss feeling like I belong…but the bittersweet stage of leaving this place has set in, and I’m trying to balance out my dreams. I wrote a blog last year about choosing God’s dreams over my own, and it astounds me how closely the two intertwine, and at the end of the day, there wasn’t even a choice to be made. God’s dreams were my own! Psalm 37:4 says–

Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart.

I’ve learned that when you “delight yourself in the Lord,” somehow, miraculously, your desires and God’s desires become one. You might disagree, but I believe that at times God leaves some decisions up to us. I believe he stays silent, and allows us to make the call while we seek Him. He said in Jeremiah 29: 13–

And you will seek me and find me when you search for me with all your heart.

I can honestly say that over the past year, seeking God has been the desire of my heart. I’ve listen to his call, made decisions based upon what I feel He wants for my life, and He’s blessed me. I’ve learned to stop living in fear of “falling out of God’s will” and just simply…seek Him. It’s not complicated theology, and there’s not some magic formula. I just know that living and walking in fear is not the way God wants me to live, and I’ve really made an effort to just rest in the peace and assurance that God’s going to guide me, order my steps, and work everything out for my good like Romans 8:28 says–

And we know that in all things, God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose.

It’s so cool to look back and see how HE worked everything out for my good when I was so incredibly oblivious to the work he was doing at the time. All that time I prayed for the desires of my heart with my own solutions in mind, but God had SUCH a bigger and better plan in store that when everything came to fruition, the outcome was beautifully crafted for my life and my heart and a million times better that what I ever originally wanted!

Among the many examples of this truth in my life is my boyfriend, Eric. He’s living proof that God does indeed give me the desires of my heart when I have my heart set on Him. It’s true what they say…whenever you become perfectly content and quit looking for love, it somehow just finds you. God has a funny way of working things out, and I couldn’t ask for a better love story. Someday I’m gonna write a book…

I don’t really know where I’m going with this; I’m kinda just rambling on and on, but it’s so hard to articulate exactly how much I’ve changed this past year. I’m a completely different person, and I’ve had the chance to experience a lot of things that most people can only dream about. I’m blessed for sure. I’ve been living my dream of traveling the world and experiencing different cultures, but I know that it’s about time to come home and begin living some other dreams. I’ll never be content with a boring life, and I’m always going to travel around for short-term missions and vacations, but I’m ready to chill out at home for a while now. Contentment…

I’m out. //Cwalk.