Well…this month, the real world is officially smacking me in the face. Hello real world, I hate you. I went from livin’ that good life to being straight up BROKE in about 2 hours flat. I got my July paycheck on July 28, which happens to be the exact same day that I had to buy my plane ticket home for October. Sure, that was a pretty big blessing that those days aligned, or I wouldn’t have been able to come home, buuuuut I pretty much dropped my entire paycheck on that ticket before August even started. Don’t get me wrong, though. I don’t regret buying that ticket at all. I’m stoked about coming home, and I need to, believe me. But those happy feelings don’t put money in the bank now do they? Haha. So, here I am, a week into this month, stressing about money (or lack there of)…and trying to figure out how the heck I’m going to pay my rent (and the other half of my deposit for T.I.T.). Awesome. I mean, my parents did hook me up with some money in my bank account…I guess because they said they’d help out with the ticket home. (Actually, my lovely daddy said he’d PAY for my ticket home, but I think that was just him attempting to express to me his strong desire for me to come home…and stay.) So it’s just whatever. So, perhaps I’m more angry than I am stressed because I have another 4-day weekend coming up and I was planning on going back to Koh Tao and getting my Advanced Scuba certification…however, that can’t happen now since I’m livin’ off cheap 7/11 food for the next month. BONK! I think the reason it really gets to me is because I know I’m only here for a year and a 4-day holiday is a huge deal…they don’t come around too often and I want to take advantage of every chance I get to travel. But maybe God’s just teaching me to prioritize my life and be thankful for the opportunities I do have. Yeah, I’m selfish…I can admit that. So oh well…this is me giving up and accepting the fact that I’ll just have to suffer in Bangkok by laying out at my pool everyday over the holidays. Haha.

This week was pretty eventful because my friend Matt came in town to visit. He teaches in South Korea and flew down to Bangkok on his break from school. It rained almost everyday, but we tried to find some fun stuff to do. I’ve decided that I suck as a Bangkok tour guide because my life is just boring now….teaching, working out, and laying by the pool are about all I do. But I showed Matt some of the highlights including Chinatown, the temple of the Golden Buddha, Pat Pong (a world-renowned red light district…haha), the Muslim area of Nana, and the Siam/Paragon area. Matt takes a lot of pictures, so that got me back into photography a little bit. (I stole some of his photos for my blog and Facebook though because I can’t find the time to edit my own. haha.) I’ve decided that my most favourite thing to photograph is people…particularly people on the street. I’ve always wanted to take a picture that means something, and I guess I feel like photos of people in tragic situations will bring awareness to others who maybe can help. I don’t know. That was for sure my random soapbox tangent for the day.

So, it was weird going back to the temple of the Golden Buddha in Chinatown because that was the original place where I felt God drawing my heart to Thailand. The first time I set foot in that temple, my heart broke for the Buddhist people of this country, and rather than just seeing people, I felt as though I saw a crowded room full of lost souls. That was the first place I cried in Thailand, too. I remember weeping on the front steps, walking away from my group and just trying to gain my composure. Here’s a link to my original blog about this experience on January 25, 2010. >>> What Goes Up, Must Come Down

Anyway, the new student teachers from Lee came in town this week, and Matt and I got to go on the BCC dinner cruise with them. (Praise God for free food and something to do!) It was so good seeing Dr. Joann and the student teachers…just a little bit of home to keep me going I guess. I’m excited to have them hanging around for the next 2 months. We’ll all be flying back to the States around the same time I guess. It’s so weird to think that just a few months ago, that was me. I was in their shoes…student teaching in a foreign country, discovering happy new things in a city I’d never explored. Now look at me, the new-ness has officially vanished and Bangkok is now a place I try to get out of every chance I get! Haha. My how time changes things.

Well, on a more somber note…I don’t even really want to blog about this, but I know I should. Before I moved here in May I knew that there was a chance that things could change back home before my return (this was even before I even considered coming home in October). My great-grandmother was almost 94 when I left, and though she was the most independent and kickin’ old lady ever, I knew that it was possible that she might not be there when I got home. I knew when I told her goodbye the day before I flew out that it could be the last time I got to see her, so that was hard. But, just because I knew it could happen, doesn’t mean that I actually thought it would happen though. I found out last week that Mommie was rushed to the hospital and had emergency surgery on her stomach, and the doctors said she might not make it. I was really upset because I kept forgetting to call her on her 94th birthday a week prior to that, and I already felt bad enough. I’d tried to call her 2 days before she was rushed to the hospital, but she never answered even though I let the phone ring for several minutes. I forgot to try again later. Well, the surgery didn’t work, and Mommie just kinda hung on for about a week. While she was in the hospital, I called my mom and she held her phone up to Mommie’s ear so I could tell her “I love you” and “bye.” :(  I found out last night that Mommie went on home to be with her Saviour, Moppy, Diddy, and my Uncle Mickey in Heaven. She always said, “I bet they’re all up there wondering where the heck I am! When I get to Heaven, Diddy’ll be just sittin’ there by the river fishin’ and when I get there he’s just gonna say, ‘What took you so long?’” So, of course I’m incredibly upset that she’s gone, but I have to smile when I think about how happy she is right now. The main thing that sucks so bad is that I’m all the way over here in Thailand, when I want nothing more than to just be with my family right now. I literally sat on my balcony last night and just wept. It’s not fair. It’s not fair that I’m here and not in Chattanooga right now. I can’t even go to her funeral. Ugh.

I am blessed to have several people here in Bangkok who care about me though. Everyone at work is being really great, and I’ve gotten hugs from people who typically don’t even give hugs. And many of my friends here are good at distracting me from everything by taking me out, or cooking for me, or whatever. So I have to be thankful that God’s blessed me with people here to be there for me. And of course all my amazing friend back home are doing their best to be there for me via Skype and I can’t thank you enough….even though Sierra said I look like a monkey when I cry. Haha. But really, I should have taken a picture…my whole face was swollen last night and my eyes have never looked more Asian and my lips were huge as if I’d gotten botox injections or something. I really did look ridiculous. But anyway…even though my heart is hurting and longing for home (both Chattanooga and heaven), this life is for the living. I know I just gotta keep on keepin’ on right now…and 2 months from this exact moment, I’ll be happily in Asheville, NC.

‎”He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain…” [Rev. 21:4]

I’m out. //Cwalk.